it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
