We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
