I didn't shave. On purpose
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Randomize
