just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
