There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
