its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
