i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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