Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
