I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
