Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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