Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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