My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
