if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
