i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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