One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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