I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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