Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
