We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
