I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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