No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I could fuck to npr.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
