I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
