I wish I could punch you in the face.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
