dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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