you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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