i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
