why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
My vagina just recognized that song.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Randomize
