I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
