if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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