There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
