She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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