textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
