I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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