I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
