Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
