I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
