Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
