Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
