batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
