You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
