i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I am spending my child support on dildos
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
