Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
