It's like God shit irony all over that family
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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