dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
