thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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