so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
