But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
