i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
