we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
