so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
