Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
