apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
