Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
