I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
