he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
