You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
